How Do You Express Your Feelings?

Today I read an article about the difference in knowing how others are feeling between Japanese and Dutch. According to the article, Japanese read others’ voice tones rather than reading their faces. It made sense to me.

I’ve heard several times from foreigners, it’s difficult to understand what Japanese are thinking from their facial expressions. They often say “I wonder why Japanese are always smiling, even though they are not happy”. Maybe it’s true! Maybe many Japanese tend to force their faces into a smile unconsciously.

Generally it is said, “Japanese are bad at expressing their feelings.” Nowadays, maybe Japanese express feelings better than a decade ago, but still our faces make foreigners confused. Sometimes, our facial expressions and words represent completely different emotions at the same time — we look obviously uncomfortable but act like there’s no problem. We definitely seem to eat food we dislike but never we say can’t eat it. Instead, we say “It’s delicious...” with a fixed smile. In these cases, we don’t mean to pretend to be a nice person; we simply lie a little. But it’s a white lie, to only do well with others.

There are 本音（hon-ne） and 建前（tatemae） in Japanese society. Hon-ne means an honest feeling and tatemae means a polite face. Almost all Japanese have learned to use both hon-ne and tatemae as the situation demands to manage relationships successfully. Maybe it’s better if we can always be honest with our feelings and thinking, but we hesitate to do that. I think it’s a part of Japanese culture.

In Japan, there is a tendency to refrain from using bold expressions. For example, when we eat something that’s really bad and a chef asks how is it, we will never say it’s awful or it’s disgusting like Gordon Ramsay from the TV show “Hell’s Kitchen”. We might say, “Hmm… it’s a kind of a novel taste. I’ve never tasted like this before. It has a very unique flavor, yeah...” The chef will notice the food isn’t good from our subtle reactions. It seems we believe people know our feelings without obvious behavior or words because we have lived in a homogeneous country using only one language for a long time. Many Japanese believe containing our emotions is a virtue. In fact, showing yourself honestly everywhere and always in Japan could mean you are green. There is also a way of thinking, in Japan, that understanding an other’s feelings or thinking, even though they say nothing, is “粋(iki)”. Iki means cool or smart.

There is also a thinking that feigning dislike or indifference to something or someone means actually being interested in or liking: in Japanese, “嫌い嫌いも好きのうち(kirai kirai mo suki no uchi)”. Or, answering in a strongly negative voice actually means yes: “強い否定は肯定を表す(tuyoi hitei ha koutei wo arawasu)”. When foreign people hear these they may think Japanese are incomprehensible and mysterious. I’m also confused, if I accept them literally.

As I wrote before, Japan was an agricultural nation. Also mountains cover about 70% of the land. We had to live and help each other to get a good harvest in limited flatland. In that situation, strong self-expression or self-assertiveness was hated. Sometimes this attitude and behavior made it difficult for people to work together. Then we began to avoid showing our honest feelings or thoughts to others to protect our comfortable lives. I think that’s why we can’t express our feeling well. Our enigmatic facial expressions or words are maybe a kind of defensive instinct to live in Japan comfortably.

Even though Japanese are great at controlling their faces to hide feelings and thoughts, we can’t go as far at also controlling our voice tones. So when we try to know others’ feelings we may read their voice tones rather than their faces. Voice tones show our hon-ne, and facial expressions show our tatemae. I think whether we’re Japanese or not, many people can’t stop changing their usual voice tone into a high-pitched or stammering for a moment.

Everybody has different self-expression, regardless of nationality. Unfortunately, these differences sometimes lead to misunderstandings. But they also give us a chance to notice new ways of looking at things. Even though facial expressions are trustless and voice tones are changing, we can seek to understand each other. I think we can do it. Nobody is the same, that’s why having relationship with others is difficult. But it’s all worth it.

By the way, how do you express your feelings to others?

If you’re interested in the article, “Japanese read voice tones while Dutch read faces to assess others' emotions” this is the URL below.

Japanese read voice tones while Dutch read faces to assess others' emotions

Necessary Items for the Cold Winter

This past summer, Japan was troubled with horrible hot tempertures. So we missed any cool weather during the summer. But now, when it’s getting cold we miss warm weather. Recently, Japan has been getting colder and becoming wintry. It is the time to collect several items for staying warm in the cold winter. For me, gloves and scarfs are nothing special. My necessities are a “BABA shirt (ババシャツ),” a “belly warming band (腹まき),” and a “disposable body warmer (使い捨てカイロ).”


I don’t know standard nomenclature of BABA shirts, but it’s commonly known as a warm undershirt. “BABA” means middle-aged and older woman in Japan. So, BABA shirts were recognized as a warm undershirt for only old women. In recent years, the shirts are very popular among young people too because they are becoming fashionable and stylish.

Maybe stepping up measures against global warming and popular eco ideas also help to promote BABA shirts. Wearing BABA shirts is one of the familiar examples people can join eco activities casually. Moreover, many textile companies have developed new fabrics like “HEATTECK” sold at UNIQLO.


Detail of HEATTECK is here!


“腹まき (hara-maki) ” is a belly warming band in Japanese. It used to be worn among old people or children. By the same token, hara-maki is also getting popular among the younger generation. Since several years ago, hara-maki with pockets appeared. You can put a disposable body warmer in.

“使い捨てカイロ (tukaisute Kairo)” is a disposable body warmer: 使い捨て(tukaisute) means disposable, and カイロ (kairo) means warmer in Japanese. There are various kinds of Kairos in Japan: small size, sticker type, specializing for lower back, shoulders, toes, or tired eyes, etc…

There is a little trick to use them.


BABA shirt and hara-maki — Wearing several layers of thin BABA shirts warm you more than wearing a thick BABA shirt because air stays in between fabrics and clothes, and layers of air keep your body warm. But layers build up static electricity, especially during the cold, dry winter. So, it is important to choose the shirt’s or belly band’s material. You better choose fabric which is hard to build up static electricity. Something that’s static-free, thin, and warm.


Kairo (disposable body warmer) — In Japan, sticker type Kairo is more popular than the regular one. People apply it to their body where they want to warm up. Many people put them on their lower back. Some people put it on between their shoulder blades and others put it on their bellies. All these places are reflex points called Tubo in Japanese, and every Tubo is an effective point of making the body warm. I think between the shoulder blades is the best point to increase temperature, but the best place changes depending on the person. So let’s try to find your best point!

There are a few cautions to using sticker type Kairo. Sometimes it can be seen through clothes when you’re wearing a very thin or faint color. When people catch a glance of you, you seem to wear light clothing. Maybe you look like a person who is willing to stand the cold to be stylish. But when they look at you from behind, they will notice the reason why you don’t wear a lot of layers. There is a square thin bulge on your back. It’s obviously a Kairo. Anyway, even if you pretend to be a sophisticated woman wearing stylish clothes, the square shape on your back exposes the truth. So if you worry about this situation, I recommend you to wear thin BABA shirts or other clothing over the Kairo. And this is the most important caution; don’t put it on your skin directly. You’ll burn. Just in case people didn’t know, be careful of low temperature burns, even though you don’t apply it to your body directly.


Now I bought a box of Kairo and I’m ready for the cold winter. I’m glad if you can have a warmer winter with those items.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Japanese movie titles

As I had written before, it used to be that Japanese movie titles were completely different from the original movie titles. Japanese movie distribution companies renamed movies to be more relatable for Japanese audiences.

“The Notebook” is “きみに読む物語: A story is read for you,” “Sister Act” is “天使にラブ・ソングを: A love song for an angel,” “The Mummy” is “ハムナプトラ: Hamunaptra,” “Billy Elliot” is “リトル・ダンサー: Little Dancer,” and “Bonnie and Clyde” is “俺たちに明日はない: We don’t have tomorrow” etc… Recently, the number of movies getting title changes has been decreasing. It still happens from time to time.

There is a Hollywood star known as the MAN OF SILENCE in Japan. Actually, he isn’t well known as a man of silence, but as a strong old man, OYAJI (オヤジ) in Japanese. He has played a starring role in many Hollywood films. Do you know who he is, and why?

He is a major action star, Steven Seagal!

 

Many Seagal movies were renamed to “Something of Silence.” Even though, the original titles and stories aren’t related with the silence. He is famous as an OYAJI in the “Silence” series in Japan.

Take a look at the list below, and compare Japanese titles and the original ones. These are movies starring Seagal.

I lined up only the titles that changed into “something of silence” in Japan. If you look at only those Japanese titles, you may think they are the part of same series, but basically each movie is independent of one another. Why they continue to use the word, “silence”? A movie company believes if they rename his films to “something of silence,” the movie will become a hit easier than not using it. Well… maybe it’s true. When many people hear the symbolic title, “Steven Seagal” and “action movie” will pop up in their minds. Last year, one movie company publicly held a contest to find the Japanese title of the movie, “Driven to Kill.” And more, according to a web site, Steven Seagal chose the title from lots of applications personally.

If you are interested in it and want to know the result, you can watch his interview on the URL below. He speaks English, but the web site is written only in Japanese.

Seagal interview is here!

There was a case where from the second movie, the Japanese title was used. It is a very famous series, starring Sylvester Stallone. The original movie title is “First Blood.” The movie is about a man whose name is John Rambo, played by Sly Stallone. When the movie released in Japan, the title was changed into “RAMBO.” Then, the American movie company used the title, “RAMBO” for the sequels.

Maybe you will find many movies that have undergone the same conditions as the “silence” or “RAMBO” series. When you have lots of free time, comparing movie titles could be a good time killer. Not just comparing, you should enjoy imaging the stories of it from the 2 completely different titles. If there is a big difference between them, you can enjoy the movie several different ways: compare the titles, image a story from the difference, watch the movie, and figure out why the movie companies chose those titles… then select which has a better fit.

By the way, the MTV reality show, “Jersey Shore” is called “New Jersey life of Macaroni Dude (マカロニ野郎のニュージャージー・ライフ)” in Japan. The Japanese call spaghetti westerns, “macaroni westerns,” that’s why MTV Japan used the word, “Macaroni” for their TV show.


Naming, it’s very deep.

Looking at the world from movies

One of my English teachers recommended the movie, “Away We Go.” She told me “It’s a light indie flick and one of my favorite movies.” So, I checked the Japanese title of it, because it often happens that the Japanese titles are completely different from the original titles. For example, the Pixer film “Up” changed into “カールじいさんの空飛ぶ家: Old man Carl’s flying house.”

“Away We Go” is an American movie, directed by Sam Mendes. The Japanese title hasn’t been decided yet, and it’ll be shown next March in Japan. Unfortunately, I can’t watch it until next year, even though it came out in June 2009 in the States. Oh… there is a big delay in the release date between Japan and America. I’m sure if the casts of the movie are famous and popular among the Japanese, such as Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Cameron Diaz, Johnny Depp, or Tom Cruise, there wouldn’t be such a big delay. Maybe if the movie was directed by a very famous director among Japanese, like Clint Eastwood, James Cameron, Jerry Bruckheimer, Luc Besson, or Steven Spielberg, it would also come out much earlier.

I think Sam Mendes is already famous in the world. Even though his movie “American Beauty” won 5 Oscars, including the Best Picture and Best Director, he is not so familiar among Japanese. Why?

I think it must be the culture differences. His films are based on American social problems which exist in ordinary people’s daily lives, not showy issues. Drugs, homosexuals, foster families, returning soldiers, respectability issues and more…

Maybe those are common problems for Americans, but the issues are not easy for Japanese to understand, with the exception of the theme of respectability. Each country has their own social problems. A country’s social issues may be difficult for outsiders to understand.

Also we have stereotypes of other countries. Even though it is only a stereotype and not true, we tend to think Americans must be like this or Italians must be like that. The stereotype sometimes thwarts us to accept something that we don’t know well, when we’re looking at something that’s different from our preconception. And, I think many Japanese unconsciously expect American movies to be about joyful stories or happy endings with impressive casts. For European movies, we look for something artistic, dark, literary, and mystic. For Korean movies, unique and interesting stories, or popular Korean actors. Just to be clear, this is just my opinion. I’m not sure of the truth, but I believe many Japanese think like that. Considering all of this, it makes sense that Sam Mendes is not so familiar among Japanese.

His movies are based the every-day issues of the every-day American, and his style is not flashy like other Hollywood movies, such as “Pirates of the Caribbean,” or “The Rock”, which are very popular in Japan. He tends to depict an ordinary issue with a matter-of-fact tone, rather than an entertaining or dramatic tone. Also there is no happy ending. That’s why many Japanese say his movies are somber or make them feel down. I can understand others’ reactions to his films. But I like his works, even though he is not so popular in Japan. Even though I feel down after I watched his movies, it gives me a chance to know or think about something from different angles. Until I watched the movie “American Beauty” I had never thought that many Americans cared about their reputations as much as the Japanese do. Because, I believed Americans valued individualism and didn’t worry about having the respect of people around them. Those were definitely my misconceptions.

According to the web site, “Away We Go,” the recommendation from my teacher, seems to be a romantic comedy. I’m looking forward to seeing Mendes’s new side next March.

Japanese box lunch

Some Japanese mothers are very busy in the early morning, because they have to cook an Obento (お弁当), a box lunch in Japanese, for their children. Maybe it is more fitting to use a word “create” than “cook.”

Since several years ago, box lunches called Chara Ben (キャラ弁) have become popular among young mothers and their children. The Chara Ben is a box lunch which is decorated by using colorful materials. The name of Chara Ben comes from Characters Bento. They are very cute and look like famous characters are in the lunch boxes.

From early morning they make pretty Obentos, like the pictures above. I think making them goes beyond the bounds of an ordinary mom’s job. It’s a kind of craftsmanship. Even if I were a young mom, I couldn’t make the Chara Ben everyday. I would also run out of characters to make them about.

Why do they need to do that? Of course, for their children. The children love such lunches and enjoy eating them up. But not only for their children, there is kind of a mom’s battle of who is making the most beautiful and cutest lunch. That’s why they can’t stop. They try to find a new pretty character and create it faithfully before anyone else does it. It seems Nori (海苔), dried laver seaweed in Japanese, is necessary material for making a high-quality Chara Ben.

Even if you have a lot of great ideas, you can’t make awesome Obentos without skill. So in Japan, there are many utensils that help making Chara Ben easier. Take a look at the pictures below. These are the cutting dies for thin materials, such as Nori, cheese, ham, and more. When you use them you can decorate the lunch much easier and prettier than before.

If you don’t have enough time to stamp them out, you should use Nori which is already cut into the shape of several characters — such as Stitch or Thomas and Friends. There is an amazing cooker, too.

I’ve never thought people could change the shape of an egg’s yolk. But Japanese moms are doing it! They put a boiled egg with heart-shaped or star-shaped yellow in these lunch boxes. Can you believe this? For them, Obento is not just a meal. And the lunch box is not only a container. Obento is a small world where they can show their ideas, skills, and talents.

Even though I’m not a child, these colorful pretty lunches make me happy, and I wish I could eat such artistic lunches when I was a child.

Some are very elaborate and impressive. See the pictures from “Spirited Away.”

Well… it’s not cute but it’s very high-quality, artistic and beautiful work. Maybe if I were a child, I would be afraid and cry when I opened my lunch box. I also couldn’t eat it for fear of her spell. Even if I don’t cry when I look at it, I’m not sure I can eat it up because it’s too awesome. I want to make a great Chara Ben someday, and hope to have talent to create an awesome one like this. Maybe you can too!

Effects of an extremely hot summer

Japan experienced record high temperatures in this summer.

Also summerlike high temperatures continued till the end of September.

Finally, it's getting colder and we can feel the coming of autumn lately.

During the summer, we had many effects of horribly hot weather, such as the increased number of people with heat stroke or the increase in beer sales. There are still many effects of the extremely hot summer now: poor rice crops, poor sales of autumn clothes, escalating vegetable prices, a delayed the mosquito biting season or the many bear sightings and attacks in Japanese cities.

Those effects of the unusual weather have led to uncomfortable situations. Fortunately, I haven’t suffered a serious effect, such as having a heat stroke or a bear attacks, but I’m a serious victim of mosquito attacks.

At the end of August, I watched a news report about mosquitoes. According to that news, this past summer mosquitoes became less active than ever, because of the violent heat and dry weather. And it said that, if the hot weather with the temperature reaching over 30 degrees Celsius (80 degrees Fahrenheit) continued, they would probably die. It also said that, from the end of September with the weather getting colder, they would become active like they usually do in the summer — this fall seems to be the “itchiest” autumn ever.

And in keeping with the news, I have been bitten 8 times by mosquitos since October began. And, the mosquito bites are happening in pairs — one on each arm, one on each wrist, one on each ankle and so on. Worse still, my skin got red and hard, which made the bumps looke like there were small red mountains on my body. It looked like a good example for teaching line symmetry for children.

Since about 10 years ago, it has been said that the weather has been really strange. I’ve been hearing the abnormal weather news every summer and winter, for a long time. So, I actually don’t remember what normal weather is. I only remember that in Japan, the summer was hot and the winter was cold.

When I was child, the Japanese climate was characterized by four distinct seasons and I enjoyed seasonal events and eating seasonal foods in each one. I used to go to beaches or pools, eat a lot of watermelons and set off fireworks during the summer. During the winter, when we had snow, I made snowmen and had snowball fights with my big brother or friends. I ate lots of Mikan (mandarin oranges) and compared the color of my palms with my classmates.

 About details of comparing the palms' color is here!

Now the strange weather issue is not only a Japanese problem. Hot spells, cold spells, heavy rains and dry weather: they happen all over the world. Basically, I don’t like abnormally hot or cold weather. I like spring or autumn when the climate is mild and comfortable. But if I think about recent weather problems, I would prefer having seasonable temperatures such as hot summers and cold winters to losing our four distinct seasons. I want to enjoy each season like before, because I was born and raised in Japan, where the weather has four beautiful and distinct seasons.

According to the forecast, in Japan, it will be cold as usual from tomorrow. Also, we will get a colder-than-usual winter. I’m not sure that I can enjoy cold winter from the bottom of my heart, but I’m really happy that my mosquito issue will be gone. Good-bye, out-of-season mosquitoes!

Let’s write your name in Chinese characters

For many Japanese, it’s really important to choose among the vast number of Chinese characters, when they decide their child’s or their grandchild’s name. There are tons of Chinese characters which have the same pronunciation, but different meanings. For example, there are three Chinese characters and all of them are pronounced HASHI in Japanese.

橋 ← This HASHI means Bridge in Japanese.

端 ← This HASHI means Edge, End or Marge.

箸 ← This HASHI is Chopstick.

Japanese also care about the character’s stroke count. In Japan, there is a kind of name fortune telling, “姓名判断（Seimei Handan).” People’s fortunes are read from the number stroke in the character. There are super lucky numbers, pretty good numbers or horrible numbers.

As you can see in the picture above, there are some patterns of combinations which read your fortunes from the different angles. This “Seimei Handan” is favored among older people than younger people. They know it’s a superstition, but they hope to give their child or grandchild a lucky name or happy life by choosing the perfect Chinese characters and the excellent number strokes. Maybe they want to do everything that they can do for their precious ones. If I were them I would do the same thing. Many people care about it, not only when they decide personal name, but also when they decide their company’s name. In this way, many Japanese have to think about the meaning and stroke count of Chinese characters. So, they think really hard and take a long time when they choose the name. Actually, even though when we choose Hiragana or Katakana, we care about their stroke count, too.

These are a list of good or bad numbers for one’s personal name fortune. (Generally, it’s said that when you decide your company’s name, the good numbers are different from the personal names’ ones.)

最大吉(Sai Dai Kichi) : Super Excellent — 6, 15, 24, 31, 47 and 63.

大吉(Dai Kichi) : Very Good — 1, 3, 5, 11, 13, 16, 21, 23, 29, 32, 33, 37, 39, 41, 45, 52, 65, 67 and 68.

吉(Kichi) : Good — 7, 8, 17, 18, 25, 35, 38, 48, 57, 58, 61, 71, 73, 75, 77 and 78.

凶(Kyou) : Not Good — 14, 22, 26, 27, 28, 30, 42, 43, 46, 49, 50, 51, 53, 55, 56, 59, 72 and 74.

大凶(Dai Kyou): Bad — 2, 4, 12, 34, 36, 40, 44, 54, 60, 62, 64, 66, 69, 70, 76, 79 and 80.

最大凶(Sai Dai Kyou) : Very Bad — 9, 10, 19 and 20.

※ About more details of the numbers, you can check on the URL below. (but only in Japanese)　

More details of the numbers

There are several different ways to count the character stroke or read your fortune by character stroke count. So, don’t be depressed, even if your stroke number is not good. If you check your name on a different web site, you might find a different result.

If you’re interested in writing your name in Chinese character, please check the list below. These are names that I could change into Chinese characters. I want you to make sure that I decided the Chinese characters by only the pronunciation. It means that I didn’t care about the meaning of them. And more, I can’t guarantee anything even if something happens to you because of using the names from the list.

I want you to enjoy looking at the list, just for fun. I hope you can find your name in it!

Sightseeing in Tokyo

We visited Tokyo Tower to celebrate my best friend’s birthday, as she requested. It was my first time there in more than 20 years.

When I think of Tokyo Tower, the wax museum and the aquarium are the only things off the top of my head. I really loved those 2 places. Their kitschiness and tackiness were one of the attractions for me. While our cab was heading to Tokyo Tower, I was filled with anticipation and I hoped that they had not changed.

“What is that creepy thing over there?” When we got off the cab, there was a strange pink thing in front of the ticket booths. It received visitors and took photos with them. I’d never seen such a weird shaped character before… but for some reason, I actually liked it. I thought, “Yes, that’s exactly what I’m expecting of Tokyo Tower! This kischiness… thank you, God! Thank you, Tokyo Tower!! ”

According to the brochure, his name is “Noppon,” and he is one of the Tokyo Tower’s characters. Actually, there were 2 of them, and they’re brothers. The one in the red overalls is the little brother Noppon, and the one in blue is the older brother. Unfortunately, we missed the big brother Noppon, but we took photos with younger one.

After the photos, we headed to the main observatory first. There are 2 observatories at Tokyo Tower. The main one is 150 meters high, and has 2 floors. The other one is called “The Special Observatory,” which is 250 meters high. It costs an extra 600 yen to visit the special observatory. Depending on the crowd, you have to wait to go up there. We had to wait for about 1 hour.

For the first 15 minutes, we enjoyed the beautiful view and took photos. 15 minutes was enough to get a good view of everything, because there were so many people and not many spaces. So, 20 minutes later since we had arrived at there, we went straight to the observatory’s café for a beer.

While we were drinking, we talked about where we were going to eat. The restaurant, “Tokyo Shiba Toufuya-Ukai” is located near Tokyo Tower. As can be expected from the name, it’s a restaurant that specializes in Tofu. Also, there is a huge beautiful Japanese garden and you can enjoy the garden view while you eat. Beer, the nice restaurant and the freaky pink character —what an interesting birthday!! About 40 or 50 minutes later, we went to the higher observatory. The view from the special observatory was so beautiful, but we didn’t have much time because we hadn’t visited the wax museum or the aquarium yet. It was too bad that we couldn’t visit the aquarium, which looks like a tropical fish store, because it closed early. Anyway, we ran to the wax museum.

At the wax museum, there were so many wax figures that didn’t look like the people they were supposed to be. Take a look at the pictures below.

Just in case you can’t tell, let me explain. The wax figures of the Beatles (left), the wax figure of Audrey Hepburn (middle) and her picture from the scene in the movie, Roman Holiday (right).

I think it’s amazing that Tokyo Tower has shown these low-quality wax figures for such a long time — Tokyo Tower deserves praise! After we fully enjoyed Tokyo Tower we made our way to the restaurant.

The restaurant was completely silent and it made us forget that we were next to Tokyo Tower, which is very crowded and one of the most famous sights in Tokyo. We had good time eating good food and enjoying the beautiful views in the silence, and we felt like we were traveling. Finally, we toasted to her birthday with a tasty birthday cake and white wine.

I usually don’t visit sightseeing spots, famous or popular places in Tokyo. I always visit and spend time in familiar places. I still don’t like crowded places, but sometimes it is really fun to visit places I don’t go to often.

If you are interested in “Tokyo Tower,” “Noppon,” and “Tokyo Shiba Toufuya-Ukai” you can check the URLs below.

 
 "Tokyo Tower"


 
"NOPPON details" (only in Japanese)


 
"Tokyo Shiba Toufuya-Ukai"











 

Cleaning up

Yesterday I cleaned my entire place. This time, I cleaned all of the windows, too. They looked like leopard patterned windows because of the rain and dust, since I didn’t clean the windows for a long time.

While I was cleaning the windows I remembered a question which was asked me before — “What would you do if you could wipe the slate clean?” When I was asked that question, I didn’t really think about it. But this time, while the dirty windows were getting to be clean, it reminded me of it.

“What would I do if I could wipe the slate clean?” I couldn’t come up with anything. It didn’t mean that I haven’t done anything bad or wrong; of course, I have some… no, many regrets.

If I could see my future like in the American TV drama “Flash Forward,” if my future was horrible I would try to avoid it. I also wish I could see my past by stepping into a time machine and give some advice to me like the Japanese animation “Doraemon.” But actually, I don’t want to erase anything that I felt or thought or did from my past. Even though they were bitter, sad and awful, they are parts of my history.

Even if only one piece was missing from my past, my life would change a lot. If I changed my past I wouldn’t be in the same situation as I’m now. Maybe I could have been happier, or have a brighter future, but I wouldn’t want to lose lots of memories that I can’t buy, whether they were good or bad.

As I said, I’m not completely satisfied with my past and current situation. Also, I sometimes do things I regret, especially when I’m drunk. I have a lot of embarrassing memories that I hate to talk about, but I don’t want to sweep them clean. That’s because I’ve enjoyed my life up to now and I believe I’m a lucky person. I’m surrounded by many nice people who always care for me, help me and have good time with me. Even if a super horrible thing happens to me I’m sure I can get over it, and I’ve done so. When I’m really feeling down, they always help me out of the dark situation I’m in. Once the nightmare changes into a good old memory, we can drink for several hours while talking and laughing about it. I can appreciate the importance of them, and enjoy having drinks with them, because of my terrible past.

I think everything which happens to me has a meaning or a reason. About 11 years ago, I lost my father suddenly. Unfortunately, until he died, I couldn’t recognize how much I was protected by him and I had a happy life because of him, which I took for granted. His death was an unthinkable sorrow, but it opened my eyes and taught me how awfully happy things were.

I always try to think like that when I have to overcome hard situations — think of my happy sweet histories as chocolate bars, and think of my bad awful histories as potato chips. If I always eat only chocolate bars, I’ll be tired of eating them and I won’t feel they’re sweet or good, even though they’re awesome. Then, I will definitely want to eat something salty. Here comes potato chips. If I eat potato chips in between chocolate bars, I can really enjoy tasty chocolate bars more than when I eat only them. In the same way, we’ll lose feelings of the happiness, if we only experience dreamlike things. We can’t appreciate our current situations even if we’re happy now. We sometimes feel fear, anger, sadness or disappointment in our daily life. Because of that, we can find happiness, and we strive to be happy or try to make our life better.

For me, the nightmare things give me a chance to take a closer look at my attitude, behavior, situation and myself. They also give me a chance to realize that I’ve earned my place in the sun. I think that a bad event sometimes has the possibility to become a kind of a spice of our life, depending on how we accept it.

After the cleaning, I looked at the windows again. The shiny beautiful windows are OK, but the dirty leopard patterned windows were not so bad. If I see them from a different angle, I can enjoy feeling like I’m at a safari park even though I’m in my house. In the future, maybe I’ll face a variety of issues that I want to eliminate from my life. Even so, I want to trust that I can overcome them and change them into good memories. It’s just like how I miss the leopard patterned windows now. So, my answer to the question is this — “Nothing. In my life, there is nothing that I want to wipe clean. I don’t need to clean up anything.”

English essay

Why do I write English essays, even though my English isn’t very good?

I have several reasons, the first of which is learning English. I have only a limited vocabulary, I know that I need to build it up, but I don’t like to memorize and I can’t learn by rote. What I mean is, if I try to memorize something that I’m not interested in, I’d forget it after 5 minutes. After thought, I decide to learn vocabulary by writing English essays. If I write an essay I will write about something that I’m interested in. It means I can learn about things I’m interested in. It’s a good idea, if I say so myself.

The second reason is that I like to write. For me, writing a letter or an essay slakes my desire to create. I really like the process from beginning to end. First, I choose a topic and think about it. Then I see many images and ideas in my head. While I try to cast my ideas into shape, I organize my images and ideas over and over. I also enjoy expressing my situations and feelings using a lot of onomatopoeia. In Japanese, there’re plenty of onomatopoetic words and I think sometimes they help people visualize images easily. Many people tell me my writing seems like talking, because I use a lot of onomatopoeia and quotation marks. This process makes me feel like I am making a plastic model. There are only tiny parts at first, but they are going to be put together to reveal the whole picture. I am so happy and excited when I can describe my ideas as I like. The process of creating something has an irresistible attraction for me.

The last reason is that I can organize my thoughts by writing. When I’m writing, I look for words or phrases that precisely explain my thinking or feelings. In Japan, there are many subtle nuances and a lot of onomatopoeia which are difficult to explain in English. That’s because I need to be clear in my thoughts and feelings when I write an English essay. Choosing correct words and phrases helps me to understand myself; what I’m thinking about or how I feel. So, I can’t finish writing an essay when I can’t form a clear view of the topic, because I can’t explain my opinion even to myself. Even though writing helps me to organize my thinking and understand the unconscious part of myself, I don’t want to write in Japanese. If I write in Japanese I can describe my thinking very clearly, but sometimes it might blurt the whole story out. On the other hand, I want to make sure what I think or feel, but I reluctant to describe in details all of my thoughts.

 

This is why I write English essays. Today I learn these words — “rote,” “onomatopoetic,” “reveal,” “irresistible,” “precisely,” “blurt something out,” and “reluctant.” I’m not sure I can use them correctly next time, but I’m going to keep writing English essays and interweaving them with new vocabulary.

Trick or Beer!

“Nothing better than an after-work beer. Cheers!” My friend and I gulped down beer in a fantasy world. All of my cells enjoyed drinking cold draft beer, too. Actually, we didn’t work that day. We visited Tokyo DisneySea with the thought of riding the Tower of Terror and having a beer while eyeing Mickey Mouse.

Oct. 2nd, it was a beautiful day. About 2 and half hours had passed since we arrived at DisneySea. It was the first day of nice weather we had had in a while, but we were still standing in line to get on the Tower of Terror. I was thirsty and starving, because I hadn’t eaten anything since morning, and my leg had gotten bitten by a mosquito an hour earlier. A horrifying thing was that I had to wait for another 30 minutes while battling with hunger and itches. While we were waiting, we tried to only think about something fun, such as having cold beer with some nice snacks after this.

We had patiently waited out our turn. How could we wait such a long time? There was no doubt that Mickey Mouse’s magical power had been working on us, because we hate to stand in line and usually we don’t outside of DisneySea. Additionally, between Sep.9 and Oct.31, DisneySea is celebrating Halloween and it is decorated for that. Maybe ghosts helped to increase Mickey’s potency more than usual. Last time when I visited here, I waited for an hour and half to ride it. This time I had to wait for 3 hours which doubles the length of the last time. If I come here next time, will I wait for 6 hours?

“Oh, no… yieeeeeeep!” I felt my stomach float like yo-yo. “Uh-oh, yieeep!!” We waited for 3 hours and rode it for only a couple of minutes, but we were so excited we forgot about the long wait. We could reach our first objective. When we got out of the Tower of Terror the sun had almost set. The rest of our objective was having a cold beer. We were desperate to search for a place where we could drink beer.

“Hey, look! There is a stand selling beer!! Now, we can have a cold draft beer and sausage, whoopee!!”

We downed a glass of beer in one gulp. Cold beer coursed through our bodies. “Another one?” “Sure, why not!” We enjoyed having beer with tasty snacks — black pepper flavor popcorn and bone sausage — in a fantasy world. The wind felt so good. That was our ideal weekend at DisneySea, even though Mickey and Minnie Mouse were missing.

                                                      

Drinking a couple of beers brought about a pump-priming effect. We embarked on an adventurous journey to find other places where we could drink alcohol. Drinking beer then riding an attraction which we didn’t have to wait long; it was like a sandwich. While we were looking for nice restaurants and unpopular rides, my friend pointed at a map and said to me, “Look at the map, there is a Mexican restaurant here! It has wine also.” “Sounds yummy! Let’s go!!” We scurried to the restaurant — “Two glasses of white wine, french fries and salsa sauce, please.”

                                              

Now, we slaked all of our desires by drinking chilly white wine. We ended up enjoying drinking more than riding attractions. When I look back now, we didn’t see Mickey and Minnie Mouse, but we could enjoy an early Halloween at DisneySea in our own way — Happy Halloween, Trick or Beer!

 

 
 
 
 
 

Getting out of my rut

Since I can enjoy watching movies again, I’ve gotten carried away with watching a lot of movies in a short time. I tried to watch many genres that I didn’t like very much before.

About a month ago — there were many movies that I hadn’t seen yet, on a pay TV channel’s program guide. It had been a while since I last recorded and watched movies on TV, so I decided now was the time to get my money’s worth. I thought that it was a good time to get out my “movie” rut of always choosing the same type of movies. I thought I could try enjoying some kinds of movies that I normally don’t really like.

First, I started with a movie which I was interested in anyway. Then I tried a movie that my friend really wanted to watch, and then, a film with big stars. After that, I watched my favorite types of movie. When I was watching a boring movie, or one I couldn’t get into, I just kept watching and looked forward to the next one. So, I decided to watch my favorite types’ of movies in between them as motivation.

 

“Well… it was OK. How about next one?” About 2 hours later… “I see… hmm. Let’s move on to the next one!” — I watched all of the movies above just like this.

I ended up only enjoying the movies that were from my favorite genres anyway. I enjoyed “Sunshine Cleaning,” “Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead” and “The Wrestler” which were movies that I really wanted to watch. “Harsh Times” and “Doubt” are OK, but they are a little bit heavier than I expected. The movies that my friend talked about are typical chick flicks: “The Ugly Truth” and “He’s Just Not That Into You.” I told her that I saw them and how I felt. “The most memorable scene is when Ben Affleck and Bradley Cooper are talking on the boat, in the movie, He’s Just Not That Into You — Ben Affleck really likes his girlfriend but he doesn’t want to get married. Not because he will lose the chance to have fun with other girls if he gets married, but because he doesn’t believe that marriage is the only way to prove how much he loves her — I completely agree with his attitude!” She said to me, “Generally, most women feel a tugging at their heartstrings when we see girls’ situations, feelings or lines in chick flicks. I have no idea why his attitude resonates with you.” Yep, that kind of makes sense.

Anyhow, it was very difficult to change my taste in a single month. Instead, I realized my taste in movies clearly once again. Basically, I don’t like movies that are too much commercial — a big budget, big stars, a bumper crop of CGI with a cheap or clichéd story. My favorite movies are “NUOVO CINEMA PARADISO(Cinema Paradiso),” “Apocalypse Now,” “Dog Day Afternoon,” “Primal Fear,” “Planes, Trains and Automobiles,” “Edward Scissorhands,” “The Negotiator,” “The Butterfly Effect,” “Match Point,” “Rear Window,” “Psycho,” “The Prestige,” etc.

 

 

 

 

I can’t explain my taste in movies in word, even though I have looked at a list of my favorite movies again. I like suspense, drama, comedy or crime with a good story. I’m not comfortable with watching Sci-Fi or horror movies. Actually, how I get into the movies is more important than their genres.

When I watch the famous scenes from “Apocalypse Now” — helicopters sweep over the sea and napalm the jungleplaying Richard Wagner’s “Ride of the Valkyries” — I really get into the aggressive scenes without CGI and the movie’s world as usual. When I watch “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” it delivers tons of laughs. It also touches my heart and I always cry at the ending. When I watch “Cinema Paradiso” I am always reminded that I like movies and I am happy and lucky person who could get a job in the movie industry. I can watch movies over and over if they are my favorite. Even though I already know the whole story, I am excited, laugh or cry at the same scenes all the time.

The other day, one of my teachers asked me, “Who is your favorite main character from movie and why?” I couldn’t answer her question right away. The next day I found an answer. I have 2 favorite main characters who are in the Italian movies, directed by Giuseppe Tornatore. The first one is from “Cinema Paradiso,” Alfredo, played by Philippe Noiret. The second one is from “The Legend of 1900,” 1900(Danny Boodman T.D. Lemon 1900) played by Tim Roth. Both guys could find what they really love to do, and they kept doing that until the end. I always feel that I want to be like them when I watch those movies. If I can find something that I really get into and I have a talent for that…There is nothing that would make me happier than doing that until I die. The music in the films by Ennio Morricone also creates a deeper feeling.

As a result, my “getting out of my ‘movie’ rut” operation didn’t succeed this time. I half expected that getting out of my rut would not be so easy, but I’ll give it a try again someday. Not only the “movie” rut, but I’ll try to get out of all of my ruts, too.

 
 

Voices

I have a lot of stuff, the same things in many colors. When I go shopping I usually buy 2 colors of the same shoes, blouse, etc. because I can’t choose only a single color.

Basically, I’m not wishy-washy. I am a kind of determined person when I make a decision. As many of my friends say to me, “It is a waste that you are a woman, because you make a decision and take action very quickly even if you are in a tough situation. You are sometimes manlier than real men.” Yet, only when I go shopping I lose my determination. Especially when I come across something to my liking, I can’t choose only one. A part of my manfulness comes out and tries making a decision quickly, but as a result, I buy the same things in different colors.

When I was young my mother always said to me — “You’re kind of a shopaholic. You can’t stop buying something, even though you already have a lot of things that look almost the same.” I always said to her, “What? Are you kidding me? They are completely different! How could you say that without REALLY looking at them?” Now, a little older and a little wiser, I can understand why she always said those things to me. From my mom and my friends’ point of view it seemed like I always picked up similar products.

Sometimes, it is really difficult to understand other’s likes and tastes and find subtle differences in them. Well… honestly, it’s still said to me, “Oh, you bought a similar one again? You really like that kind of style,” but not as often as before.

Do you know the movie, “Confessions of a Shopaholic”? Did you watch it?

Even if I can understand the girl’s feelings a little bit, who is the main character of the movie, it doesn’t mean that I’m similar to her. I don’t buy anything that I can’t afford, and I never borrow money to buy anything. I don’t insist on buying brand names, but I stick to certain materials and construction. I only buy something that I like. I’ve never had a kind of experience that mannequins speak to me like a scene from the movie, but I can hear the voices from the products. They make an appeal — “Hey, come and look at me. I’ve waited for nobody but you. Pick me up! Listen, this is a fateful encounter, so please take me your place with you!” They talk like a pickup artist, or a girl who is good at flattery. After I hear their voices, I feel like I am an adopter; if I don’t take them in, will they spend a long time on that shelf?

Just to be clear, I’m sane. More so than other people, I think I have a kind of sensitivity to understanding others’ feelings or situations, whether they are human or not. This time, I happen to be talking about something that I fell in love with at first sight. So, when I come across something in different colors, it is hard to pick only one of them, because I feel guilty that I make them get separated by buying only a single color. Of course, I can’t take care of all of them, so I tearfully choose only products which I can get on well with.

Eventually, a lot of twins, triplets or quintuplets end up in my house. If I couldn’t hear their voices, if I were a cold-blooded shopper… I would live with lots of only children.

To end with, let’s me introduce you to some of my new residents.